Tools and consultancy to help people listen to each other and work together better
Home Contact me Ezine sign up Biography Search Business

There is a simple way to be happier. Take turns sharing stories about times when you were happy and when you made someone else happy. Here are more Eye-Opening Conversation starters.
Browse Site
Index
Links & Resources
New Stuff
Free half hour
Testimonials
Appreciative Inquiry
Coconsulting
Core Process
Discover your Purpose
Exercises
Case examples
Games
Effective Meetings
For Consultants and Trainers
For Individuals
For Managers
Free E-book on Developing People
Ezines
Interfaith work
Building Peace
Installing Love
Love is on the way
Loving Politicians
Releasing Creativity
 
Previous Page Printable Version
 
Levels of human communication
 

Most human communication falls in the following five categories.

  • Social Acknowledgement 

For example, I say "How are you?" and you say "Fine". We acknowledge each other's existence, which helps, but share no real information. (It would take at least an hour to answer the question "How are you?", if it were a serious question!)

  • Giving or exchanging information

Information is facts or uncontroversial opinions, with no or very little emotional content. This is easy to give and receive.

  • Judgmental and/or critical 

Blaming, attacking, criticising and putting down are all judgmental and/or critical. They are very easy to give and are often done without thinking. They are very difficult to receive constructively and often lead to a defensive or negative reaction.

  • Sharing feelings 

Describing how you feel honestly and openly without blaming or attacking anyone. This can feel very difficult, even frightening as it leaves you feeling vulnerable. It can be disarming and is especially useful in the aftermath of a criticism. (See the fable below)

  • Solving Problems 

This requires people to be willing to share their skills, experience and resources to solve problems and thus make their lives, families, work, teams or organisations happier or more effective. It is very difficult to do when you are feeling bad.

 

The fable - this does have some sex role stereotyping, but it is as I heard it and it is meant affectionately!

 

A woman goes to the shops and buys a hat. She comes home and says to her husband, who has had a rotten day, "Look dear, I bought this lovely hat, doesn't it look wonderful!"

 

Husband says, grumpily, "Hmm, I don't think much of it, it makes you look frumpy AND I bet it cost a fortune!!"

 

Wife says nothing, but you can imagine how she feels!

 

Half an hour later, he says to her, "Look at this, they are doing some really nice packages to Barbados. I have got two weeks due to me next month, shall we go?"

 

She says, "I like the sound of Barbados, and I could find the time, but I am certainly not going with you!"

 

Why did she say this? Given her husband criticised her for buying the hat, what could she have done differently afterwards?

Unexpressed feelings can block serious work. A management and union negotiation was "hopelessly" blocked until people on both sides just said a few words about how frustrated they felt. They made more progress in the two hours after this than in the previous three months. I have also seen a blocked IT project move forward very quickly after people said how they felt. This simple idea usually works. 

(I learned this at a marriage enrichment retreat but don't know who is the author).

Sharing

Please use any of the buttons below to share this article more widely.

 


I would love to know what you think of these ideas:

Your email address (if you would like a response):

Your Comments:

Select "I Confirm" this is an anti-spam measure:

 

Contact me

Phone +44 (0)1707886553, or +44(0)7879861525 email nickheap43@gmail.com or Skype nickheap

Using these materials
I am entirely happy for you to use or draw on any these materials in any way you think will be helpful. I am keen to have my work, and the work of the people I have learned from, used.  

Language

The language on this site is correct UK English throughout. There are differences in spelling and meaning between UK and US English. The context should make the material understandable in the US.

Further Information

There are free articles, exercises, designs, book references and links to other sources about many aspects of personal, team, management and organisation development on this website. I will add other resources as I learn what you want.

View Nick Heap's profile on LinkedIn
 
Previous Page Back to Top Home Printable Version
 
home, site map, privacy policy, site design by carrot.co.uk ltd, © Nick Heap 2004